Sensory Wind Down: Building the Perfect Regulating Bedtime Routine for Kids
Giving proprioceptive input to legs for calming and organizing sensory input
Courtney English, MOT OTR/L, December 4, 2024
Studies have shown that 20-30% of young children struggle with bedtime resistance and falling asleep independently. Consequently, children who do not get enough sleep are more likely to have difficulty paying attention, face body regulation challenges, and experience emotional regulation struggles. In short, sleep is so crucial to child development and learning.
As a parent, you should prioritize sleep by establishing healthy sleep habits and addressing bedtime challenges. These routines can help support your child’s development and overall health and well-being.
I collaborated on the book Wind Down with Cali's Books to support parents in learning a new approach to support bedtime regulation to prepare the mind and body for sleep. Let’s dive into what can work for your little one.
Bedtime Routine and Its Benefits
A child’s bedtime routine may not always look the same depending on their state of regulation. Keeping a consistent routine is important, but it is also critical to know that there can be flexibility within the routine to ensure your child’s mind and body is organized and calm before bed. Some parents may believe that always keeping it “calm” is necessary, but sometimes children need to meet their core movement and connection needs before winding down.
When a child is given the opportunity to move their body in an organized and connected way with an adult, they are able to find safety while feeling regulated in their bodies. Some parents may worry that movement and being silly before bed can cause a child to become more energetic, but children will not be able to wind down unless those basic sensory needs are met!
We all have sensory needs (yes, even us adults) because we all have a nervous system - brain, spinal cord, and nerves - with sensory systems within. By meeting these core needs before bed you will see reduced anxiety, better sleep, and improved function throughout their day. The same is valid for children.
How To Build a Bedtime Routine for Kids
Try incorporating these 4 practical things into your bedtime routine to improve connection and regulation before bed:
1. Connection time: Try singing or dancing to a song together or do some fun role play using songs where you have to coordinate your body to the lyrics. You can use The Ants Go Marching in Wind Down.
2. Movement time: I collaborated on the book Wind Down with Cali's Books to support parents in learning a new approach for bedtime regulation to prepare the mind and body for sleep. Let’s dive into what can work for your little one! Linear vestibular activities that are rhythmic and predictable help a child’s body to feel organized in space. This means to avoid spinning and focus on those calming movements your child responded to when they were babies: rocking and moving back and forth, side to side, front to back.
3. Organizing & calming time: Proprioceptive activities or activities simulating the sense of body position provide us with a sense of body awareness and are one of the main regulators in the body. Such activities help calm an overwhelmed or overactive nervous system. So try activities such as carrying or tossing weighted stuffed animals, chopping a pillow, rhythmic drumming on a pillow, kid sandwich (squeeze them between pillows), crawling over pillows or in a tunnel, any heavy work activity (pushing, pulling, carrying, squeezing).
4. Transition to bed: Use visual calming bottles, massage, books, calm singing, snuggles. Be sure to dim lights or keep lights off with lamps on as bedtime approaches to help support their body clock regulation.
Bedtime Do’s
Here are several essential bedtime tips that you could follow:
• Use a lower tone of voice and speak slowly.
Dim lights and/or use warm color lighting before bed.
Collaborate with the child rather than control.
Offer choices for each step of routine.
Offer movement if the child's body is
dysregulated.
Spend one-on-one time with your child.
Use calming movements such as rocking
back and forth and side to side to calm the brain.
Keep routine consistent (bath, movement, books, connection time).
Offer a cool sip of water through a straw to activate a calm state of the brain.
What To Include In Your Bedtime Routine
Offer activities that are familiar to the child. Bedtime is not a time to offer new tasks that could be challenging. If you want to do that, begin trialing this earlier in the day to see how the child responds. Here are several simple things you can do:
Make up a story of what happened during the child’s day or a story of tomorrow to talk about what will happen in the morning the next day.
Connect with your child with musical books such as Cali’s Books to offer calming sounds to relax the brain and body before bed.
Offer deep pressure to feet by gently squeezing feet for 5 seconds on and 5 seconds off.
• Offer pillow squishes to your child’s body. Perform this slow and gentle, hold the pressure for 5-8 seconds.
What’s the Right Bedtime for My Child?
Each child’s wake windows vary depending on their age and developmental factors. Please see the ranges below:
12 months:
Goal Daytime Sleep: 2.5-3 hours
Bedtime: 7:00-8:00 pm
Number of Naps: 2
Wake Windows: 3-4 hours
18 months:
Goal Daytime Sleep: 2-3 hours
Bedtime: 7:00-8:00 pm
Number of Naps: 1
Wake Windows: 4-6 hours
2 years:
Goal Daytime Sleep: 2-3 hours
Bedtime: 7:00-8:00 pm
Number of Naps: 1
• Wake Windows: 4-6 hours
3 years:
Goal Daytime Sleep: 1-3 hours
Bedtime: 7:00-8:00 pm
Number of Naps: 0-1
Wake Windows: 5-6 hours, if napping
4 years:
Goal Daytime Sleep: 1-2 hours
Sweet Spot Bedtime: 7:00-8:00 pm
Number of Naps: 0-1
Wake Windows: 5-6 hours, if napping
Use these guidelines to create a routine timeline that works best for your family. If your child is napping later in the day, they may not have enough time (sleep pressure) to have an earlier bedtime. If a child is not asleep within 20-25 minutes of lying in bed, then the sleep pressure isn’t high enough for them to fall asleep. Try to read a book, tell a story, or do a calming activity until sleep pressure is high enough (increased time from the last wake period). Use the wake windows above to determine sleep pressure and bedtime, considering naps.
During the 30-60 minutes before bed, you can offer movement to your child. Be sure that the movement is goal-oriented, playful, and low-demanding. This means you should be doing play and movement that is familiar to the child and does not cause their brain to work hard to think and plan out how they will participate.
As you get closer to bedtime, instead of your child moving their body, you can offer pressure and input to their body to shift their body and mind into a calm state. You can do this by direct massage to the feet, hands, and back or by applying pressure to the body with a pillow. You can also consider a weighted stuffed animal while reading books. Be sure the weight of the stuffed animal is no heavier than 10% of their body weight. No weighted blankets or stuffed animals are recommended for children under 2.
When getting into bed, be sure to offer some calming music or a sound machine. At this point, be sure that the lights are off.
You can offer Cali's books to read in bed if the sleep pressure isn't high enough yet—that is, if the child is not sleepy or tired. Now would be a good time to offer affirmations and words of positivity and safety to allow a confident transition to separating for sleep.
Bedtime Don'ts:
There are also things that we don’t recommend doing before bedtime.
Don’t rush your bedtime routine. This can cause your child to become more dysregulated.
Don’t allow your dysregulation to impact your child. Check-in with your body to be sure it is relaxed, and your breathing is normal. When doing self-deep breaths, focus on a longer exhale to truly calm your nervous system.
Avoid screens before bed and/or blue light, as this disrupts the circadian rhythm, which regulates wake and sleep cycles.
Summary
Bedtime can be stressful for parents as everyone is tired from the end of the day. Oftentimes, children have difficulty winding down for bed because they have not had enough movement and connection. When parents are overwhelmed and overstimulated, they sense this energy and begin to feel anxious about separating at bedtime. The best thing you can do is tune into your child’s core needs. Ask yourself the following questions:
Have they had enough movement?
Did they get enough one-on-one time?
Is the sleep environment appropriate?
Does my child need more time between
nap and bedtime to ensure enough sleep pressure for them to fall asleep?
The best way you can begin to support bedtime challenges is to begin easing in organized movement before or after bath, and offering more joyful play one one-on-one with your child 30-60 minutes before transitioning into their bed.
Always remember that your child can pick up on your stress and anxiety, so be sure to regulate your body, emotions, and breathing. Ask for help from your partner if you need a break before bedtime, or try to focus on releasing tension in your body by regulating your breath.
If you want more bedtime support, download my guide, Balanced Bedtimes, here! If you want a helpful resource to guide you through a bedtime routine, purchase my bedtime book, Wind Down here.
